How to break-up with somebody in a mature way

Breaking up is one of the hardest things to do but here's how you can break-up maturely and if not walk away with a partner, at least walk away with a friend.

A break up can be awful especially if you're on the receiving end. It can leave you feeling confused, insecure and depressed. However, being the 'breaker upper' can be just as hard. Your mind is all over the place, wondering if you're doing the right thing or not.

A certified relationship coach, shares his five best tips for breaking up with someone properly and as maturely as possible. That's without being unnecessarily nasty, while also getting to the point and ensuring that you can walk away feeling like you've not only done the right thing but might be able to salvage a friendship from it all.

1. Be clear

People only wish to break up with someone if the person is no longer a match to their outlook, values, passions, needs and desires. So before the break up, write a list of what it is that you no longer want to be, feel or experience in a relationship so that you can be clear when you break up.

Then write down what you now want, and visualise it.

2. Fall out of love in your mind first

It’s harder to break up if you keep focusing on the one moment you were happy. If you're trying to build the strength to break up with a partner, banish that thought.

Focus on the top five negative moments of your relationship. Remember what you saw, heard and felt during those times. Keep repeating the process.

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Breaking up is hard to do

 (LiveAbout)

 

3. Be kind, but strict

Breaking up can be extremely painful, not just for the person being left behind but for the person doing the leaving. Be kind and respectful as you begin to distance yourself, however be strict with your boundaries because if you're not totally clear, your partner may get mixed signals and end up staying around much longer.

4. Figure out how valuable they are

Only you can decide what your partner is worth to you. Are they worth a sit down dinner or a five-minute coffee break up? Are they worth a four-word text or one last night of passion? Sorry but only you can decide that one.

5. Look forward

Think about all of the things you are now free to be, do after breaking up. Go on a rampage of thoughts that activate happy vibes. Tomorrow’s experiences are always created from the thoughts you are thinking today.

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5 ways to get over your ex in a mature way

Breakups happen every time, and they are undeniably nerve-wrecking affairs. But you can get over that relationship and your ex in a mature way.

Not only can you move on in a mature way, you can also cut short the time needed for the average person to do so. Here's how:

1. Don't over-push for closure

Closure is overrated as this opinion piece explains - and it's true.

To move on quickly, if your partner does not agree to meet up or converse about what went wrong in the relationship, or explain why it's breaking up, don't push for too long.

No need to delay your healing period because of a closure that's never coming. Forget about closure and move on.

2. Cry if you feel like it

Forget what Fergie says: big girls do cry when they're hurt. If it hurts and it's unbearable and you need an avenue to let out those unpleasant emotions, just cry it out if the tears come. The tears are significant of an emotional purge and that's infinitely better than bottling in emotions.

3. Get yourself back

Instead of trying to get her back when he or she has obviously closed the possibility of that happening in this lifetime, strive instead to get yourself back.

Join a bookclub, a sports team, your work force in church, your community cleaning team, a young outreach team... anything. Just get back to doing stuff you enjoy.

4. That block button

Do not forget to use it on all social media platforms.

5. Take a look in the mirror

Yeah, the breakup hurts and you think he or she is an asshole for dumping you, and you're probably right. But also, it is important to do some introspection. What could you have done better? Is there a chance that you goaded them into doing the things they did? What lessons can be taken into subsequent relationships, never forget to consider these things, too.

It is important that after a while, you will need to get into a relationship, and you have to make that better than the previous one.

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